My cat gives me a boner
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
