I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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