i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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