so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Actions speak louder than pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
