She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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