remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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