i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
