i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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