omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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