haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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