I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
