I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
