My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
