I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
