There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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