so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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