His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
