Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
