Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
