I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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