is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
