Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
