i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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