id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
