Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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