I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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