i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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