the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
