I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
