Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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