So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
