I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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