what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
