she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
