Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
