thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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