just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
