I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
