i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
