she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
