is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
