There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
