Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
