so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
