why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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