8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
