I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
