have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had sex on a dog bed..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
