i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
even my farts smell like vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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