How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
